Part 1 - All the colours of the spectrum

Normal is a distribution, it is an average. 
Imagine if you will a graph, where average is represented as a straight line in the middle and how "normal" you are is based on how close you are to this line. 
Are you doing it? Where do you imagine yourself on that graph?
I figured out (many years ago now) that I was nowhere near this line, not even close to it, and it became something of a troubling thought in my head. One that I spent years and years on. A cloud had formed and I found myself trapped under it, unable to even imagine a way out.
Why do I feel so different?
How can I fix it?
What am I doing wrong?
Why does this stuff seem so much easier for everyone else?
Now I'm sure that everyone at some point has asked themselves at least one of these questions, and I do not wish to make anyone feel like their problems are not as important as mine, but there was a point where I was asking myself all of these questions at the same time... Every single day. Some might call this a rut, some might call it depression, others might think of it as a routine. I really didn't know what the hell to call it, to me it was just my reality.
There eventually came a time when these questions just became too much and too hard for me to deal with, so I went searching... I was 28 years old, and I had never talked to anyone about the way I had been feeling before.
What I found was a new graph, called the spectrum, where there was no such thing as the word normal.
I found out that the reason I felt different was because I am different. Something in my brain works in a different way to the way yours does, it changes the way I learn, the way I store and retrieve information, and in certain situations even enables me (or prevents me) from doing things that others might find hard (or of course ridiculously simple). A man in a shirt and tie told me that I have high functioning aspergers syndrome. To which I responded with ...huh.
All my life I had felt different, and then a doctor said that it's because I was.
Aspergers and autism and anything else that falls on this spectrum can be a very difficult thing to explain to people. There is no normal for this graph because everyone really is different, two people with aspergers can be completely different from each other in the way that it has manifested. As an example imagine a rainbow or colour chart that is on the floor and imagine that on that chart aspergers is the colour red. Two people standing within that red section, both of them are diagnosed with aspergers syndrome, but they do not share the same space on the floor, one of them is standing in vermillion, while the other stands in crimson. The same, but different.
They do not really explain this to you, you have to figure it out for yourself.
So I started reading about aspergers syndrome, to try and understand myself a little bit better, research will fix everything right? Well, no, I was wrong about that too. When I read up about it I felt like parts of what they said were right while others were way off, as a result I started to doubt it, and by extension, I started to doubt myself.

To be continued... (I did title it part 1)